Sometimes finding the current requires being still…because the current is so slow and calm.
And once you find that current, you may still need to put forth some serious personal energy to move down stream…
It doesn’t mean you’re not following the right current – it just means there will be times when you’ve got to do the heavy work to make the next bend in the river.
Contrary to appearances – I do not dwell in a dark place – but I do have experiences that make me think about some things a bit deeper.
I’m not a scholar nor am I a theologian – I’m not particularly religious except in the big picture kind of way.
I do think there are teachings from those that came before us..and the bible is a piece of that for me.
The story of Adam and Eve … (and please forgive my version of a synopsis); when they ate from the ‘tree of knowledge’ which gave them an insight into the world based on God’s view has always intrigued me.
So let’s go with that.
Well here we have two newly formed beings that all the sudden have this knowledge of ‘sin’ and all that implies..
(Forget that they purportedly covered their private parts immediately – in my mind – that’s mostly where ‘man’s’ version of the story falls apart.)
However, I’m thinking – THAT is when man got its first taste of immortality – and it’s been downhill ever since.
We’re not meant to be immortal.
Dying is a part of living – it goes with the territory. But our quest for immortality has driven some intellectual gains beyond society’s ability to handle said ‘immortality’.
Medicine is advancing to the state of unequal balance.
Where will it stop? When will we give equal amounts of time, money and politics to all the pieces of how our society is ‘advancing’.
We first have to admit we are not meant to be immortal – we all have to die…and accepting that the fact that WHEN or HOW … is not usually a choice.
It is the ones that take us by surprise that hurt and slap that lack across our face. Those are the ones that make us cry out in pain and intense loss.
I mean no disrespect to anyone that feels the pain of the loss of a loved one.
I know that I offend those ‘lovers of life’ – the one’s that have that zest for living that makes them live every moment with zeal and appreciation.
I don’t mean to imply everyone should give up – however -
and here’s my point…. I do think it is OK to accept the fact that not everyone is a fighter.
I realize that my ramblings are not for everyone.
Life isn’t what we plan – it is what happens while we plan.
I’ve been working on a new venture for me – something way outside my comfort zone.
Do I have what it takes?
Are my skills something that others would pay for?
Am I really as good as I think I am?
Am I really as good as my friends say I am?
Why didn’t the company I work for see enough value in my skills – to grow them within the company instead of cutting me loose?
Am I risking everything I have on a dream that should just stay a dream?
Why do I punch so many proverbial ‘holes’ in my confidence?
Why do I question my abilities instead of building my confidence on them?
What is that intangible trait that others have that I don’t have that makes them think they can and should … ‘just do it’?
I read a quote today by Zig Ziegler – “If you aim at nothing, you will hit it every time.” and I ask myself – what am I aiming for? Can I unequivocally answer that? My aim seems to be a bit muddled, cloudy, shaky.
At my age – shouldn’t I know by now what I want? And in that ‘knowing’ – shouldn’t I be able to aim for that and go for it without this unending doubt in myself and in the future?
When your anchor is ripped from your starboard bow and the motor is just sputtering at half power and your compass has lost its direction….you feel as tho you are dead in the water.
Some folks would say – ‘buck up – get to work and stay busy.’
Others would say – pray.
And then there’s folks like me, who have spent most of their lives letting the current determine their direction…We need that nudge to show us a way to go. It isn’t that we don’t want to work. It isn’t that we don’t want to be productive members of society.
What it is … is a need to see a way … a current … a flow of energy. To be sure not without rocks and rapids … because that is part of it – but at least a current to guide us in our journey.
I’ve lost my current…and I’ve lost my anchor…and it feels like I’m in the dead water…
Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after. ~Henry David Thoreau
June 3, 2014 | Categories: Beach, North Carolina, North Carolina Coast, Photography, Wilmington NC | Tags: beach, fishermen, fishing, nikon d700, ocean, pier fishing, wrightsville beach | Leave a comment